…The Tyranosaur doesn’t obey any set patterns… The essence of chaos. It [chaos] deals with predictability in complex systems. The shorthand is the ‘Butterfly Effect’. The butterfly flaps it’s wings in Beijing and in Central Park you get rain instead of sunshine… I’m going too fast, I did a flyby… ..Tiny variations [that] never repeat and Read more about Children of Chaos[…]
We’re all just spirits you know. Spirits in a material world. We are made up of four parts. The physical, the intellectual, the emotional and the spiritual. Hmm… This is a blog about my dealings with drugs and alcohol. Well, no it’s about my dealing with ALCOHOL. What is it that drugs and alcohol have to do with all Read more about Spirits[…]
Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste. I’ve been around for a long, long year Stole many a man’s soul to waste And I was ’round when Jesus Christ Had his moment of doubt and pain Made damn sure that Pilate Washed his hands and sealed his fate Pleased Read more about Sympathy for the Devil[…]
What did she say? Then what did you say, then what did she say? Then what did you say? Sigh… This line of questioning has GOT to stop! I feel like I’m sitting in a police interrogation, in front of a hot light, waiting for the lineup and some nameless, faceless plaintiff to point me Read more about My Part…[…]
…And everybody fucking hates poetry. I heard this line in ‘The Big Short’. Nobody saw it coming. Nobody ever does. Let’s just ride the wave. I’m making money man. There can’t be an end to THAT. Denial ain’t just that river. I watched the movie with some trepidation, but having seen how it all happened, Read more about Truth is like Poetry[…]
Faith and Trust. These are two different things. Faith and trust are indeed contradictory. Trust is earned, faith is blind. Faith requires no evidence for belief or practice. The very nature of faith surmises that tangible evidence doesn’t exist. Otherwise, there is manifestation. Trust is based largely on evidence that is real. In order to trust, there are usually some verifiable facts. Trust is the Read more about Blind Faith[…]
I am a curious guy. It’s in my blood. But then curiosity is one of those dopamine responses. Read my post on Little Addictions, and you’ll realize that we are addicted to everything. Literally EVERYTHING. The brain was designed to be curious; to love a ‘good’ plot and narrative, and to learn new things. As Read more about A Muted Cry from Myself…[…]
It’s been a long week. The days sometimes go by slowly. It started out simple and easy enough. Then it became complicated and difficult. I took a commitment to pick up some people on my way to a 7:00 AM meeting. I did that so I’d be sure to go. Seven O’Clock comes early, but I Read more about Sombody’s Goin’ to Emergency[…]
I have a friend who lives in gratitude. He is grateful he was a heroin addict. It has given him perspective and gratitude. He always tells me he’s grateful to wake up and still be this side of the dirt. He says he has no problem with death and dying, he’s just grateful he’s not Read more about The Politics of Contraband[…]
One of the many therapeutic tasks I was assigned in rehab was to write a letter. It was to my drinking buddy Jack. You know, Jack Daniels. Well for some strange reason, I wrote it on my computer instead of by hand even though my therapist told me to do it by hand so it Read more about Dear Jack[…]
Happy Holidays folks. Yep, they are right around the corner. Thanksgiving is next week, then only a short month later, Christmas. Follow that up with New Years Eve. Party on Garth! What is it about the holidays that makes us go utterly mad. We drink more, there is massive stress, we fight with parents, Read more about Happy Holidays[…]
Coping tools come in handy sometimes. Over the past two years I’ve been therapized to death with relapse prevention techniques, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Yoga, Meditation, Tai Chi, group therapy, personal therapy, Motivational Enhancement Therapy, Neurofeedback and of course, contingency management. Otherwise known as ‘Plan B’. My sister always asks, “What’s plan B? That’s whatever happens Read more about I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends[…]
It’s all a mystery to me sometimes. Why do we meet, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes and and talk? My friend Steven calls it The Most Loving Show On Earth. Usually I see him on Sunday afternoons. Today I’m spending what Gary Chapman calls quality time with my lovely wife. Happy Sunday Steven. At least I’m Read more about The Most Loving Show On Earth[…]
LA, city of the fallen angels. I’ve lived here all my life. My dad visited LA during World War II. They wouldn’t let him join the army, but that’s another story for another time. He worked for the post office and travelled around; Utah, California, Los Angeles. He was born and raised in Minnesota, so Read more about City of the Fallen Angels[…]
So what do Social Networks, Food, Video Games, Music, Television, Cell Phones, Shopping, Gambling, Work, Sex, Exercise, Adrenaline and the Internet all have in common? Well, like drugs, these things lead us to an odd behavior, but really all things considered, it’s not so odd. We become addicted. They are all non-substance little addictions. Of Read more about Little Addictions[…]
Men, do you feel your passion? Well, if you’re like me, it’s one of those icky feeling things we try our best to ignore. One of my therapists tells me there are really only four basic emotions. An article (“…A new study says..”) published in Atlantic Monthly way back in January of 2014 (Hmmm… A Read more about Passion[…]
“…We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs…” What greater demonstration of principles could there be than the truth? If you look at the home page of this blog, there are a number Read more about Lies I Told Myself[…]
The first time I saw someone take a 90 day chip, I said: “90 days? Come on. Get off it. No one can go 90 days without a drink. That guy is a fucking liar.” Here are some thoughts for you. The ‘Thoughts for the day’. The topic I picked from a meeting tonight has Read more about Thoughts[…]
There are days I feel so hardwired that I can’t let things go because I have been programmed differently. I made a good pass at it but didn’t expect such a weak link. If I hearken the vows we made, what seems so long ago, and there is no option. It breaks faith, not only Read more about Life is Short[…]
Nothing is ever good enough. I’m not good enough. I leaned that from my dad. Unhappy, a dissatisfied customer. Indeed, that would be me. Somewhere I keep hearing this little voice. I hear it so often lately I’m wondering if I’m attending to stimuli. That’s what the psychiatrists call it. My son has Schizophrenia. It’s a strange disease; Read more about Nothing is ever Good Enough[…]
The first caveat to this nonsensical post is that Scott Adams’ Dilbert cartoon strip is NOT approved literature for the squeamish. Funny indeed, but painful. In the words of the immortal Scott Adams: Change is good, You go first. The therapy lightbulb joke is: How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only Read more about Change is Good – You Go First[…]
Where do I begin? From the VERY beginning? The story where God made Heaven and Earth? OK: In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters. Read more about From the Beginning[…]
Let’s go through what really happened over the past week. First, I felt very sad, very ashamed, and very stupid (though stupid isn’t exactly a feeling. I called a lot of people. Everyone (other AA’s) told me it happens, everyone ‘slips’. People with 20 and 30 years of sobriety slip. It’s a part of the Read more about Going Out[…]